The Presence we Lose is the Presence we Become & The Interview that Wasn't

I had an interview today at 11:15 AM.

A company I really want to work for.

For a position I really want to have.

and a salary I’m eager to earn.

I thought my interview was at 11:15. It was at 10:30.

I missed it.

I emailed. I apologized. I asked to reschedule.

Now, I wait.

My instinct was to spiral. To feel like a failure.

But then, something else happened.

A voice in my head said:

“You did what was in your control.”

“Be gentle with yourself.”

“You’re not a failure.”

That voice didn’t always exist. It took years to build.

Maybe it started when I began treating myself the way I’d treat a friend. Maybe it was meditation. Maybe it was learning to show up for myself.

I used to think resilience was pushing through. Now I know it’s coming back to yourself faster.

Even if I never hear back from them, I feel like the friend I’ve found in myself is so much more valuable than any job I could have been offered.

What’s a place in your life where you can be kinder to yourself?

---

My uncle, Kumar, passed away this week.

His funeral was yesterday.

People sought him out for wisdom, even those older than him. I always knew that about him. But hearing it repeated at his funeral made me realize

Uncle Kumar never really gave me any advice.

Instead, throughout my life, he would approach me quietly with his gentle manner and ask, “Johnny, are you okay?”

And even when I wasn’t, I’d say I was.

And after talking to him, I’d realize:

Yeah, you know what? I am okay.

Losing people leaves a space. At first, we search for them in others. But nothing ever quite fits.

Then, at some point, we stop searching and start becoming. We become, for ourselves, the presence we lost, even if imperfectly.

Today, I found something of him in myself.

And yes, Uncle, I’m okay.

Who is someone you’ve lost that you still carry with you?

-Jonathan